


Good Night? Bad Night?

by calenlily



Category: Texts From Last Night - Fandom
Genre: Bechdel Test Pass, Bisexual Female Character, Dialogue-Only, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, Gen, Misses Clause, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-05
Updated: 2011-12-05
Packaged: 2017-10-26 23:31:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calenlily/pseuds/calenlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two roommates with very different lifestyles relate their respective experiences one Friday night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Night? Bad Night?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [discolucy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/discolucy/gifts).



4:00pm  
(650): So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina  
4:00  
(907): I'm teaching my cat to play fetch  
4:02  
(650): Yep, it's a Friday  
4:07  
(907): There’s a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.  
4:08  
(650): Where is she? I think I may have to marry her.  
4:10  
(907): I know, right? Honestly, birth control should be required to get into college  
4:10  
(650): Haha, yeah.  
4:13  
(650): …When I was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place I wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton  
4:14  
(650): Then I met college  
4:16  
(907): Sounds about right ;)

4:40  
(907): I need to take "lollipop" off each and every one of my playlists cause it makes me want to suck dick  
4:42  
(650): Wait. That's a problem, why?  
4:44  
(907): Let me put it this way: at this rate, if someone I’m actually interested in likes me back, I’m going to die of surprise before I even get to make out with them  
4:46  
(907): The closest I can get to friends with benefits is friends with awkward sexual tension  
4:50  
(907): …I wish I could convert my horniness to productiveness. I could have written a fucking book by now.

5:15  
(650): Speaking of friends with awkward sexual tension, have you seen Talon recently?  
5:19  
(907): Ran into him at breakfast yesterday. We had a whole conversation speculating which Disney princesses do and don’t have gag reflexes  
5:20  
(650): That sounds promising.  
5:21  
(907): I spose so. Still not fucking getting anywhere, though  
5:25  
(907): Damnit, when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.  
5:28  
(650): Invite him over or something, then. You’ve got to make a move, girl.  
5:30  
(907): I guess so.  
5:30  
(907): I’m no good at any of this.  
5:37  
(907): …What's the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it?  
5:45  
(907): Never mind, he’s coming over.  
5:46  
(650): Score one for Allie!  
5:46  
(907): His text ended with “...”! Everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time  
5:47  
(907): Right?  
5:49  
(650): It's okay. If he’s still oblivious tonight, we'll invite him over next week. And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively  
5:50  
(907): Lol, I knew I could count on you :)  
5:57  
(907): My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.  
6:00  
(650): Random question: how's your gag reflex?  
6:07  
(907): Pretty nonexistent  
6:13  
(907): I just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror  
6:15  
(650): Stop worrying, then, Allie. It’s going to be a good night

7:30  
(650): I wanna dance tonight! I just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.  
7:33  
(907): Have fun with that.  
7:34  
(6:50): I’m going out with Lily and Marie. Don’t worry, I won’t be home tonight.  
7:36  
(907): K, sounds good. See you later.  
7:37  
(650): See ya  
8:30  
(650): So there’s this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?  
8:38  
(907): Niiice.

8:55  
(650): I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"  
8:58  
(907): LOL, win.

9:20  
(650): I can’t believe Renee tonight!  
9:21  
(650): She needs to respect me before she can fuck me with cat ears on.  
9:23  
(907): *You* don't respect you; why should she? ;)  
9:23  
(650): :P

9:41  
(650): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".  
9:43  
(907): I’m not interested in sleeping with you. Also, I think you meant to send this to someone else.  
9:45  
(650): Whoops.  
9:46  
(650): Also, I'm sleeping with myself tonight, because I remember my name and I won't regret it in the morning.  
9:47  
(907): Good plan.  
9:49  
(907): Don't bone anyone, just think of your vibrator, LOL.  
9:50  
(650): Hahaaaaaaaa mmmm vibrator

10:05  
(650): Seriously, iPhone. Stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. You're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

10:28  
(650): I don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week  
10:31  
(907): I don’t want to know about how many boners you’ve caused this week

10:47  
(650): im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.  
10:48  
(907): A unicorn wouldn't go near you in the last 5 years. How drunk are you?  
10:49  
(650); oi! only 3 years, thank you very much!  
10:50  
(650): and im not as think as you drunk I am  
10:51  
(907): Haha, very funny

11:27  
(907): He is naked. In. My. Bed. Happiest. Day. Of. My. LIFE.

11:50  
(907): Help! He's uncircumcised. I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK  
11:54  
(650): i love wearing low-cut shirts cuz then when things get boring i can look down and admire my boobs  
11:54  
(907): Karen?  
11:56  
(907): You there?  
11:57  
(907): I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.  
11:59  
(650): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.  
12:00am  
(907): I should’ve known you’d be too wasted to help.

12:11  
(650): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

12:24  
(650): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd  
12:25  
(650): im pocohantasssss

11:45am  
(907): ...I have to say, I think you're right about the manatees  
11:46  
(650): You’re up!  
11:46  
(650): So…?  
11:47  
(907): What?  
11:48  
(650): How’d it go?!  
11:51  
(907): Well, we spent half the night making pillow forts and having sword fights…  
11:52  
(650): And?  
11:54  
(907): And then I laid down on his bed and played "I Want You To Want Me" on his laptop.  
11:55  
(907) Guess I just had to throw subtlety to the winds  
11:56  
(907): Oh, and I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".  
11:56  
(650): Congrats, girl!  
11:57  
(650): *sniff* My little girl is all grown up.  
11:58  
(907): :P  
12:00pm  
(907): I fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me.  
12:02  
(907): …And I think at some point I woke him up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed him, and rolled over and went back to sleep  
12:03  
(907): Life is so much better after having sex!  
12:04  
(907): It's like I can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me  
12:05  
(907): I think I’m in love  
12:06  
(650): *eyeroll* You would  
12:06  
(650): ;)  
12:07  
(907): How about your night?  
12:10  
(650): The girl I fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented, and looked at me, said "Oh, you're hot," and went back to sleep.  
12:12  
(907): Whatever happened to “I’m sleeping with myself tonight”? :P  
12:14  
(650): That was when I was sober enough to understand things like punctuation.  
12:15  
(650): Anyway, it was totally worth it.  
12:16  
(650): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.  
12:20  
(650): Is it safe for me to come home now?  
12:22  
(907): Why wouldn't it be?  
12:23  
(650): Hey, it’s what you’re always paranoidly asking me.  
12:26  
(907): It’s not paranoia if you have good reason! Finding a stranger person in my roommate's bed is not an experience I'd care to repeat  
12:27  
(650): Aww, you have no sense of adventure ;)  
12:28  
(907): :P  
12:29  
(907): And yes, there's no reason you can't come back now.  
12:30  
(650): K, see you in 5.


End file.
